Sex Under Influence

For some of us, sex is part of our colleges/university experience

Decisions about sex(whether or not to have it, with whom and when) are thought about, and talked about. Everyone’s sexual history is different. But when it comes to “sex under the influence”, everyone’s on common ground.

Some people think that alcohol” make things easier”. After drinking, it becomes easier to dance, laugh, talk, introduce yourself to people you don’t know. The reason it “get easier” is because alcohol helps us to forget about the fears that make us nervous.

What’s the right way to approach them? Are they going to make me feel like an idiot? Are they really attracted to me, or just flirting? Alcohol makes hose fears seem to go away.

Sometimes alochol seem like a good “shortcut” to getting things going in the right direction. The best way to decide about sex is through honest and mutual communication, ideally when sober.

The problem with the use of too much alcohol – as a “shortcut” – is that we put ourselves at risk physically and emotionally. When we drink to make things easier, sometimes things just get more difficult. May be not in the moment, but afterwards.

 Beer Goggles

“ When I went to the party I didn’t plan on sleeping with anyone. When I woke up in the morning, I wished I was alone..”

When people drink, they thnk in the short term. The brain sleeps, but hormones are wide awake. Even encounters which seem “casual” can have long-term implications.

Sometimes the biggest”beer goggles” are what we think is pressure from our friends to have sex. It might look as though everyone else is having sex (and you might be telling yourself that you should be having sex)…because that’s what you think everyone else is doing.

When you are sober, make the decision to have sex or not. Don’t wait untill after a few drinks and rush out to have sex, just because you think everyone else is.

No Glove, No Love

Safer sex is the responsibility of both people. If you might have sex, carry a condom. Check the expiry date before using it. Sexually transmitted infections(including HIV) and/or an unplanned pregnancy are real risks. Have discussions about pas sexual activity with current or new partners.

Unsafe sex is high-risk sex. If you drink and find yourself in a sexual situation, you are less likely to make sex safer. Safer sex is using a condom everytime you have sex.

Body Language

“Jamie was hanging out with me all night. We slow-danced. Jamie even stayed at my house after a friend went home. I don’t know what the hell I did wrong..”

With too much alcohol, you might find yourself reading into actions and misundertanding body language. First, never assume that just because someone has expressed an interest, that you have the green light to take it as far as you want. (Even if they said “yes”before, that doesn’t necessarily mean”yes”again.) Second, remember, if someone has been drinking, their judgement and communication skills will not be at their best. Don’t let body language take the place of and understanding of your partners’ intentions and limits.

Going Too Far…

“We were drunk and ended up back in my room. We started messing around, but then my partner passed out. I don’t know why, but I just kept going..”

If you are too drunk to understand when someoen is trying to say “no” or if you continue to have sex when they are passed out or incapable of giving consent, it is sexual assault. Even if you think you would never froce sex on anyone.

Sexual assault (drunk or sober) is against the law. Drinking won’t excuse the crime or make it easier. If you commit a crime, you pay, regardless of poor judgement, “beer goggles”, or misunderstandings of body language. You could be criminally charged, jeopardizing your academic and professional career.

Say, “ I think we need to slow down a bit”, rather than to make guesses and gamble with the outcome, It simply isn’t worth it.

Sex As it Should Be..

Results in positive feelings that are free of doubt. Chances of achieving the sex you feel “right” about are heightened by avoiding using alcohol as a guide. Until you find the right time and the right person, don’t let alcohol tak you into accepting anything else.

Who has time to think in the moment?

Have the conversations without alcohol.

If you aren’t ready for the conversations, may be you aren’t ready for sex….